Reel Hot-N-Heavy

Listen at some point we all find ourselves in court. The reasons always vary but you will end up in a court room at some point in your life and that is ok. It's nothing to get worked up over.

Some of you have had to go to court to get your license. Some of you have had to go for a having an overdue inspection sticker or expired tags. I've gone to court exactly four times for one of the a fore mentioned vehicular oversights. I have always gone wearing khaki pants and a collared shirt. Sometimes people end up in court because they have done wrong... and so they must be scolded by a Judge. And sometimes when you are scolded by a Judge things can get a little heated. The times I've gone to court the charges have always been dropped and so the Judge has always seemed cool to me.

There is a reason I know things get hot after a proper Judge scolding. Driving past the court house last week I saw a man exiting the court house door. I would describe him as being in his early fifties, approximately 60 pounds overweight, and deeply tanned. His longish locks were held back tightly in a pony tail by several equidistantly place hair bands and atop it all a perfectly tied yellow dew rag... or bandanna as it is referred by elites. To finish his ensemble he wore Gargoyle Brand shatter resistant mirror finished sunglasses, a bright red t-shirt, fitted blue jeans, and work boots. He had perhaps managed two steps out the court house door when he did what I perceived to be something rather unusual. With the gracefulness of ballerina and the power of a she wolf he peeled away the t-shirt to reveal his rather impressive array of body art. His rounded shoulders displaying a rather overly aggressive musclesque stance to his fellow court goers. His well practiced performance didn't disrupt one fold of the dew rag, not one of the many hairs. As his belly lay evenly across the waste line I wondered, "what posses a man, at his first opportunity, to disrobe?"

I have never felt that my clothes were so... constrictive. That I would still be able to manage to get back to the car or house before they had to come off. Maybe it was the Judge's words that triggered a primal response. Maybe he was wearing a really expensive and finely woven cotton blend that is extremely hot or heavy or both. Maybe while the Judge was talking all he could think about was taking of that confounded article. Maybe he had a detergent based, sweat activated allergy. Maybe he was in court because he wanted to know where the line really is for public nudity and he discovered it. Maybe he is single and misguided. Maybe that t-shirt was a pore prison, and when you have the chance at a jail-break... you take it.

Whatever the reasons - I concluded that for me... public shirtless post-court appearances are best left to the inked-up, rope belted, dew ragged professionals.